I’m First

I felt guilty for the longest time but now I’m growing more comfortable in my decision. Let me explain…

When I love, I love hard and until the death of me. I’ve spent most of my life making decisions that would please and benefit others. Slowly but surely I have taken the reigns of my life and went on a journey to do what makes me happy. The problem is I’ve spent so much of my life living in the shadows of others that I haven’t had a true idea of who I am nor who I want to be.

I thought my identity was in my occupation but I’ve not be able to land a solid career post college graduation. My original identity was in my family but that fell apart starting with my parent’s divorce, my mother moving us around, and my brother getting married and starting a family. Then I found myself attaching my identity to the man that I love and that relationship turned out to be everything I don’t want forever. I found myself moving back in with my father and contracting at my old job. I felt failure again.

Sometimes failure feels like death and we often associate death with the end of a thing. I have learned throughout my many failures that death brings new life. I have been re-purposed for every task that has been set before me. Each time I feel like a new born baby. I’m getting a chance at life all over again.

The man I’ve been in love with for the past several years is a wonderful man but no matter how we try to make things work they always fall apart. There could be many reasons for that but the one that sticks out in my heart the most is, he is not the one. That is a hard concept for me to swallow because I love him more than I’ve ever loved another man prior to him. Me breaking things off with him and moving away was another rebirthing for me. I’m not going to bash him but this situation is the reasoning behind this post, he never put me first.

I know some people have long lists of requirements that they desire in their significant other, myself included, but here recently there is one thing that I felt selfish about previously but now it is an all or nothing. I need to be first but I never put myself first. That’s the great thing about assumed failure, if you’re smart you spend time figuring out what went wrong. Sometimes it takes a minute for things to settle in my mind but once I got it, I got it.

So now I put myself first. For anybody in this same struggle, its hard but its worth it. I am an empath. (A person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.) Because of this I want to help others feel better which leads to me putting other before myself. So now I struggle to put me above others.

I said all of that to say I can’t marry a man unless he prioritizes his life right. God first then me and then everyone else. Now all I have to do is make a decision and stick with it.

Am I really ready to get married….?

So I have talks with my spiritual moma about once a month because I need life guidance. Usually when we talk I ask her a bunch of questions about life and direction and she answers them but sometimes she says some things that I meant to ask and forgot. In today’s conversation she informed me that if I am to be married that I should act as a wife would. In the realm of faith you should be able to see what a person is believing for without them saying a word. I honestly cannot say I have been acting as a wife would. There are things that I do and I question how my husband would feel about said action, specifically my dealings with the opposite sex.

If you’ve been following me for any amount of time you realize that I am androgynous, look it up, however some of my interactions with the opposite walk the fine line of friend and other. I am a sensual being and I know I give off sexual energy even when that isn’t my intent. I use to be ashamed of this but I am who I am. I am not promiscuous by any means but when I was sexually active I enjoyed having conversations about it as well as doing it.

Prior to committing to sexual purity I had a sexual bucket list so to speak. (A list of homies I wanted to smash) Before you side eye me the list was very small! In my mind I justified “getting it all out of my system” so that once I got married I wouldn’t desire anyone except my husband. Now my list is a bit different. There are some of my male friends that I would like to hang out with one last time before I enter marital bliss. Considering the previous statements in this post I honestly don’t think that is a good idea especially since one of the gentlemen in particular has been attracted to me physically since we were 14 years old.

I said in one of my previous post that the best advice on marriage I’ve ever received is to measure twice and cut once and I mean that. Marriage is serious and should be for life so I have no desire to get married until I know for sure that I and my partner will be able to commit to the journey. I am not double minded in this at all but I honestly cannot say that I know 100% for sure that I am ready to commit to one man for the rest of my life. I do not feel the need to date at this time because I’m doing personal growth and development so that I can truly enjoy the person who looks back at me when I look in the mirror. I also have zero (0) desires to enter into another dead end situationship, I can do bad all by myself. Every time I’ve tried to commit it has backfired on me so I put the fate of my romantic life in the hands of God and I trust that He will tell me when it is time. After all God does know me better than I know myself.

I suppose the process now is to alter my life in such a way that I am not as flirtatious as I can be. I love the energy that men bring into my life and it isn’t always about a sexual energy but a comfort and brotherhood so I can work to make sure those boundaries are established and never crossed. Over all I have to learn a new normal which how my life has been these past several months anyway. I asked what I needed to do to prepare to be a wife so now I officially know another piece to the puzzle. I must let go of what I want to get what I need and enjoy delayed gratification. I still love my homies though but it looks like its time for me to go MIA (Missing In Action) again so that I can get the one I need.

I am extremely territorial so I know I wouldn’t want my husband doing some of the flirtatious things I do with men, with women so I should respect him even though he has not yet physically manifested into my life. Me and my sister have a saying, “I stay ready so when I need to be ready I don’t have to get ready,” and that means always be prepared for what you’re waiting for so that when it comes you are not scrambling around to get your stuff together. Its randomly put together but this is what was on my heart, I hope it helps.

Never single but not often in a relationship…

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I’m ready for you to judge me but I don’t even care. If you’re super churchy you may want to stop here.

I am the youngest of two and my older sibling is a boy. Most of my cousins, in my age group are male as well as most of my friends. I feel more comfortable around men than women most of the time and most of it is not sexual. I also happen to be androgynous, look it up.

I send so many mystic signals on social media that I often get messages questioning my relationship status. I am not married, yet. I am not married yet because…go read my last blog. That’s not the reason for this post though. Who is bae? That is a complicated answer but I’ll try not to confuse you.

For about 3 years I was in a situationship, more of a situation than a relationship. So there is him. He is also apart of a group of my three male best friends who are known as Bestie Inc. At some point in life they could all be labeled “bae”. Sometimes my parents, brother, cousins, sisters, and female friends can be bae. Basically if you come in clutch and show me love you could be considered bae. That’s how I end up never being single. Not often in a relationship is easier to explain because I haven’t committed to any man since 2005.

The reason for this post is me working through the oddities of my personal life in hopes of not having a complicated romantic relationship when I do decide to commit. I wrote in my last post about how I still love my ex which is true and I don’t think it will never change. I still care about every man I have ever exchanged I love yours with. My heart is different and I am unashamed of that. I believe others can relate to this but where I differ is I respect boundaries. Some of my exes and old flames are married now so I just check on them from time to time to make sure they are ok. For the most part the romantic feelings are gone and I have a deep appreciation for them and the time we shared together. With each situation I learned a valuable lesson about what I want and don’t want in a relationship.

More specifically I have a friend who I’ve known since birth. We have an open communication and understanding that no matter what happens or where we are that we will always love each other. Sometimes that means no matter who we are in a relationship with we always have each other’s back. I often wonder how my significant other will feel about this. Good thing is I have no issues being upfront and honest about all of my interactions with whomever I am with. I don’t believe in keeping secrets. AND if he states that me interacting with any of my male friends make him uncomfortable I will do what makes him most comfortable.

I am not currently dating anyone but I’m a thinker so I have to make sure I ponder where I am in life in regards to where I want to be. The best advice I’ve ever gotten about marriage is always measure twice and cut once. Just think about it…

How do you learn to Unlove someone?

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I have spent countless hours trying to discover how it is that I could be utterly annihilated by a person and still love them unconditionally. This is true with family, friends, and baes. I do poses the ability to hold a grudge. I can mentally kill someone off and they can be standing next to me and it is as if they are Casper to me. I don’t mention said person’s name and if they are brought up in conversation I’ll say, “I don’t speak of the dead.” Quite frankly some people are dead to me and they still live and breathe on this earth. I do not wish them any ill will and I pray God blesses them with the desires of their hearts and so much distance from me that I’ll never have to see them again. Am I wrong in this, I might be but only God can truly judge me.

I don’t have to explain myself at all but I’ll give you a few details on why it is that it is better for me not to associate with the memory of some things. I’m going to write about my mommy issues one day but I’ll give you a snipet now. My mother was married to a man who isn’t my father. I never liked him. He had decent qualities but so do stray dogs, doesn’t mean I want to take them into my house and feed them but I digress. This man tried to kill my mother. He shot her and spent maybe like a week or two in jail and that was it. My mother hates the court system and she really didn’t want to see him go to jail. I’ve seen my mom go through a lot including frequent hospital stays and near death experiences but God always brought her back to me. I’d hate to lose my mother but in so many ways as I child, adolescent, and young adult I already have. Him shooting her was only the straw that broke the camel’s back but the years of having to live in the house with him while he forced a wedge between my mother and I was probably the worst part of my life. Worse than being hungry and homeless. Worse than being heartbroken by males who swore to love me. Worse than my parent’s divorce.

Now considering all of that I find myself remembering to forgive him because he isn’t a bad man he just made horrible choices. That is my approach to forgiveness, people don’t know any better even when malicious and intentional. It is impossible to live this life without offence but woe unto the man who causes it. (Luke 17:1) Every day I work to forget the years of pain caused by that man’s place in my life. Rome wasn’t built in a day and forgetting isn’t always easy.

So back to the topic at hand. I have some close friends who have hurt me to my core but I still find myself wanting to be there for them because we have formed a bond that I felt I needed to sustain some sense of normalcy in my life. I am a very guarded person and once I get past a certain point in the trust and disclosure cycle I feel as if that person should be in my life for life. The people who reap the benefits the most out of this are the males with whom I have had romantic involvement.

Currently I’m learning how to live life again without the left side of my brain/the right part of my heart. This man literally drives me crazy for reasons I’ll likely disclose at a later date but I love him very much. He isn’t the only man I feel bonded to. One thing I have noticed is that the passionate feeling isn’t constant, it comes and goes but the love never fades. I have tried for years to stop loving one man in particular and it doesn’t matter if I haven’t talked to him for months one phone call or texting session warms my heart. However my head understands that these men are not my forever so I don’t force the issue. My concern is why doesn’t the love I have for them ever fade.

I can be quoted, “If I have loved you once I will love you forever,” and that is true of anyone no matter what they say or do. I try to force the love out of my heart but it remains as if it is super glued on my heart. I know I started this blog as if I found the answer but this is more of an open dialogue and kind of a cry for help. I know I can’t be the only person who has experienced this.

…to be continued

Why I’m single…again

Sorry not sorry about constantly writing about relationships. I have great passion for having and helping others to have good healthy relationships with themselves and with others. so here we go…

I had a dream last night and I’m going to spare you the details because although I share a great part of myself with you, some stuff is none of your business. I have a friend who I was romantically evolved with in my early 20s. Things didn’t work out and although we are still in contact I have zero (0) interest in being romantically intertwined with him. He is a good man, as most of my exes are, but he is not the good man for me. He does make me happy, at times. However, I’m like my Abba Father and those who look back aren’t fit for the kingdom. (Luke 9:62)

I don’t do ultimatums unless they are necessary and in the case of the relationship in question they were. I was dying inside because I loved him but he loved the streets more. I told him it was her (the streets) or me and he chose the streets. He apologized and we discussed the possibility of he and I becoming us again and he said something which sparked the epiphany that caused this blog. He said, “Baby I’m working on somethings and when I get myself together I’m coming for you.” He is not the only man who has said something like this to me and this conversation took place over a year ago but after the dream I have realized just exactly why I am single.

I am a pretty selfless person and when I love a guy I invest myself in his life to make it better for him. I am ambitious and a go getter. If there is something and sometimes someone I like I am going to do what I have to do to obtain it/him. I am aggressive and have no issues approaching a man. I’ve battled within myself about who I am because of societal norms. Funny thing is almost every guy I’ve dated has loved that quality about me. Side note: I don’t care how much someone else likes something about you until you like that quality about yourself it will not matter. With all of that in mind Holy Spirit whispered to me one day that I need to allow a man to be a man. I have heard that before but I have bucked against the notion for years because I had early access to some fairly weak men who discouraged me from being an Alpha female. I cannot just blame this on men because women who are older than me have told me that I need to learn how to not be so dominate because I scare men away. I use to care but I do not any more.My man will take me as I am or leave me alone.

Now…Why is Ciza single? There is no one answer but I’ll give you just a few reasons that I’ve discovered. I have never been promiscuous, contrary to popular belief, but commitment hasn’t ever been my thing because I like my freedom. You can ask my parents and older brother I hated being told what to do as a child, adolescent, and young adult. I have always wanted to get married but I haven’t felt that any man I have entertained has been worthy of making that next step. I have talked about marriage and even considered marrying a few of my old flames but the playa in me just couldn’t do it, or so I thought.

There is a story about an apple at the top of a tree and how that is where the best apples exist and only the bravest man will go through what is necessary to access that apple. In the story I am the apple but I haven’t entertained a gentleman who would find a ladder to climb the tree and pick me. I have had a few that came close but they refused to complete the mission. They talked a good game but never committed themselves to consistently pursue me. Often we blame ourselves for why certain things haven’t happened and at times that is true but we must remember that relationships require two willing participants unless manipulation is involved and that is another post for another day.

To whom much is given, much is required. (Luke 12:48) I bring a lot to the table. I’m smart, book and street. I am successful. I am loving. I am kind. I am self-sufficient save my dependence on God. I am beautiful inside and out. My mouth is more slick than a vat of WD-40. I am well taken care of (spoiled). I have been healed from mommy and daddy issues. I am passionate and opinionated. I have anxiety attacks and insomnia more often that I admit. I dream huge and I intend on achieving every last one of my dreams. I fight depression and allowing people to walk over me as if I am a doormat. I am constantly evolving as I discover who God has made me to be. I am not perfect. Sometimes my temper gets the best of me. I don’t know how to be fake because if I don’t like you, you will know it. I am honest, too honest sometimes. I refuse to even seriously date a man who is not Christian (saved, sanctified, Holy ghost filled, and fire baptized!)  I still have strong bonds with most of the men I have loved because I don’t know how to turn love off but I respect and enforce boundaries. I have some shame and guilt over bad decisions I’ve made in my past. But none of this is why I am single.

For a long time I didn’t think I was worthy to be loved how I yearn to be loved. I have felt rejected and unwanted most of my life because I am strange and I don’t fit in with any of my family. One gift that has been given to me is forgiveness of myself and others but mostly of myself. The biggest reason why I am single is because patience hasn’t had her perfect work in me yet. I still need to heal on the inside from emotional and spiritual pain. Now I’m not saying that God isn’t capable of sending me a man that can help me through this process but what I am saying is that most men I have encountered I have outgrown. No man to date has been god enough to do what is required to acquire me.

My biological and spiritual fathers take really good care of me. My older brother practically raised me. Most of my older cousins that I grew up around protect me. My uncles showed me how men should treat women like me. I haven’t met a man who treats me nearly as good as they do. Talk is cheap and its going to cost you (a man) to get with me and any other woman like me. I am a rare jewel who brings great wealth and satisfaction to he who will pay the price of my worth. I have met one man who I know, knew my worth based off of his actions but he still didn’t do what was necessary to establish the relationship.

I’m going through this process of life and I hope to help others along my journey. I’m sure there are other things that I will learn as I employ patience more in my romantic life and I hope you will stay with me throughout this process. We  have so many examples of the after effects of this process but not many examples of the going through. I will make mistakes but that’s where my messages will come from. Don’t make my mistakes. Be better than me. God is love! Ciza!

 

Celibacy Sucks!!!!!!!

Now before you holy rollers jump down my throat let me explain….

I joke and say I was probably in church shortly before and after my conception as a testament to how much God is life. Unlike many other’s I didn’t go to church because my mom and dad dragged me, I legitimately wanted to be there. I literally have loved God my entire life even when I decided to kick him to the curve and do my own thing I still prayed. Now I had usually gotten myself into some kind of trouble but I knew to pray none-the-less.

I was always taught to remain pure and there were a lot of reason’s I decided to allow someone’s son to defile me. Being a virgin was a burden that at 19 years young I didn’t want to carry around any more. Some guys befriended me just with hopes that they may be the one I decided to give myself to for the first time. Also I can be quoted, “If there is one thing that would send me to hell it would be curiosity.” So I allowed it to happen and no he was not worthy of the honor I bestowed upon him, sorry if you’re reading this sir but it is the truth. Honestly he was a victim in a plot to rid myself of the virgin cooties. I do not regret my choice and if I had to do it over again I’d likely not allow it to happen but we cannot cry over spilled milk.

Now I was not hooked nor was I an addict and I certainly didn’t feel any attachment to the young man as I had often been told that I would. I didn’t have to see him daily so that wasn’t an issue and I only saw him in person like one time after that. I was just grateful that I didn’t get pregnant or an STD and that he was handsome, yes I’m vain. Some people take my confidence in sharing this information as me being unrepentant, trust me I have repented multitudes of times for that act alone.

11 years later, almost to the date and I have been abstinent and celibate off and on for most off that time. Now let me define these words for you so that you’re aware of the difference between the two.

 

ABSTINENT : the practice of not doing or having something that is wanted or enjoyable : the practice of abstaining from something

CELIBACY : abstention from sexual intercourse

 

I am a firm believer that we give meaning to words based on our experiences. So when I was abstinent I just didn’t have sex but if it was offered I wouldn’t have refused it but considering I went like 7 years without sex I should have been celibate lmbo! But I digress. When I rededicated my life back to Christ I was about 23 years old and depressed/heartbroken and I knew only God could fix me.

 

Why does Celibacy suck?  

I am currently 30 years old and for the first time in my life, it seems, staying pure has been the most difficult that I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t blog about this when I was going through because I would have been all in my feelings so now that I am calm and sane I can open my heart to you all. I was single, saved, and having sex but I knew that wasn’t right. I firmly believe in living life the way God instructs us to but that wasn’t ever motivation enough for me to give up the booty cold turkey. As a believer I have tested this theory time and time again, until it becomes real to you, you will not abide by a God given command.

I was in a dead-end situationship with a wonderful man who treated me decent. I know he wasn’t God’s best for me but he was Ce’Aira’s best for herself, all of that is another blog post for another day. I was growing closer and closer to God daily and He spoke to me and asked me to stop having sex. I knew it wasn’t satan because he wouldn’t tell me not to smash the homies so I agreed. So far it has been 1 year and 14 days by God’s grace because I dropped out of the race a long time ago.

I have a few factors that made this lifestyle change suck. I am single with no children and 30 years young. It is one thing to fight the natural human urges to have sex, which I had when I was a virgin FYI, but to add biology on top of that SWEET JESUS ITS A FIRE!!! The issue probably only lasted a few days but it felt like an eternity. I prayed and cried out to God and even had decided that if I slipped up, oh well. Then God sent me an angel via my sis and she helped to get me through that rough time by giving me tough love and encouragement.

The benefit to being celibate is I have taken time to get to know myself and how I fell into sex temptation all of those other times. I am sensual and nurturing which is something men love. I give off this energy even when I don’t know it is happening. I grew up with mostly male influence so you must understand I don’t view every man as a potential mate, I’m androgynous (look it up) so a lot of times I just like kicking it with guys. Throughout college I have been in close proximity with the opposite sex and nothing sexual happened. Now when I say close proximity I mean laying in bed, fully clothed, next to one another. I can no longer do that. I could trust those men with my life and I still can but they respected me in ways that other men don’t. One gentleman in particular refuse to have sex with me because he respected me too much. I didn’t understand that then because at 20 years old girls just want to have fun but at 29 I grew to understand just what he meant and I will love him forever for that.

I have to make wise decisions because when I told God I’d keep my legs closed that meant I had to make sure not to allow myself to get into situations where sex could possibly happen. There are some men in my life who respect my celibate lifestyle and won’t cross that boundary but men will be men. I have to be careful what I say, what I wear, and certain moves I make. I cannot control others but I can control myself and when you have spent so many years just doing what you do containing all of that takes time and energy.

On the flip side the pleasure I felt when I spent quality time, my number one love language, with two gentlemen who I could have had sex with no questions asked and I contained myself, Yassss LAWD!!! I was on cloud 17 because in my heart I knew my Father in heaven was please with my performance, or lack there of. Yes I believe in grace and mercy but the joy of obedience can only be felt when you give that total yes to what God had called you to do, whatever that may be. Yes being celibate sucks but the benefits surpass the temporary pain of not giving my flesh what it wants.

 

Transparency…

I am human. Sometimes I hold myself to this impossible standard just because I always tried to do everything perfect so I’d be accepted by my people. As I grow older I realize that there is more grey to life than there is black and white. My apostle once told me that the greatest testimonies to give are usually the hardest ones to tell. So I’ll give you a snipet into a dark place in my life that I’m starting to see the light in day by day.

I had a dream when I was about 14/15 and in that dream I was introduced to my husband but I couldn’t see his face. About 10 years later that very dream came true exactly how I dreamed it and yes I am still unmarried. In the mean time I met a man and I fell in love with him. I haven’t loved another soul as much as I love this man and I likely never will. So now I’m sitting here feeling like a real live bible character. I saw my Isaac and yet I’ve created an Ishmael so to speak. In this moment in my life I see exactly how some of my favorite bible character made mistakes that I’ve wondered how they could be so stupid. It all boils down to the fact that we are human. Yes we believe in God but often we doubt ourselves and God tells us specifically not to cast away our confidence. (Hebrews 10:35) If I told you this is easy I’d be a liar.

Navigating the two worlds can be difficult. The spirit world is alive and well and so is the natural world but they aren’t as separate as we assume they are. The connection between heaven and earth is the heart of the believer. That is why we have to be careful what we take into our ear gates, our eye gates, and guard our hearts. So what if you have a dream and it doesn’t come true. So what if you have a vision and it doesn’t come to pass. We know in part and we prophesy in part but soon Jesus will come and make all imperfect things perfect. Some think that this won’t happen until the rapture but I believe Jesus comes for us every day in multiple situations. He keeps us from falling sometimes literally.

There are parts to Christianity that are corporate and then there are parts that are individual. Which is why we must search out our own soul’s salvation with fear and trembling. Now God is not a respecter of persons so if He has done it for one He can do it for all but that doesn’t me He will. God is sovereign so it is up to Him what He chooses to do and not to do. My best advice is to allow the promises of God to become real to you and once they do then what is already in the spirit will manifest in the natural. However during that process allow God to be God because how He brings a thing about is usually different than how you feel it should happen. It doesn’t matter how as long as you know Who is bringing it to pass.

I feels like writing…

Hey,

So I’ve told you all before that sometimes when I am in the thick of something it is difficult for me to sit down and write about what I am experiencing. The same is true right now. What I can and will say that 30 has brought me to a new awareness of myself that I cannot accurately put into words right now. I know right from wrong. I am aware of my beliefs. I am aware of the fact the others believe differently from me. I have been existing with me for 30 years but I’m finally connected to myself in a way I haven’t been since I was a really young child.

I have started life all over again and I am re-learning everything I thought I knew. I am completely and totally in love with myself flaws and all. I am no longer afraid to connect with others because I realize that every human interaction makes me one step closer to the direction of my place called “there” which will constantly change once I reach each new destiny and goal. On Friday September 30, 2016 my spiritual mama pointed out that we don’t just have a single purpose in this life but that we are multi-purposed. That freed me up in ways that will take me years to fully understand. I put myself in a box too much. I am a seer in the spirit realm so I see things and I think they need to happen now and sometimes they may not happen for a long time or not at all. I shut myself off from God showing me things because I saw some things and heard some things that didn’t happen and I felt like a huge failure. But right now I am open to receive exactly what God has for me however He sends it.

Two weeks ago India.Arie’s Ready for Love kept playing over and over again in my head. I use to sing it a lot in my lonely times but this time it made me happy and not sad. At 30 years old I am ready for monogamy probably seriously for the first time. I tested it out in my last relationship and proved to myself that I am capable of staying faithful to not just a good man but a god-man. I believe I know who he is but even if I was to be wrong about that I’m at peace because I’ll still get to the place known as marriage because that is my destiny. I cannot trouble myself with the journey because I know I’ll get where I’m supposed to go as I have already been there.

I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am cared for. All because I have decided to choose me. Namaste

 

 

I’m Sensitive

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People look at me and say I’m strong and truth is I am but not all the time. My strength comes from being weak with the right people. People call me cocky and arrogant but they don’t realize what true confidence is. I know I’m doing all of this talk about people but there is a method to my madness. Sometimes the voice of others rings so loud in your mind that you cannot hear what God nor yourself is saying and that isn’t good. God’s voice should be the loudest with yours being second. If something a person is telling you does not line up with your purpose then you can reject that thought. You don’t have to eat and digest every plate put in front of you. So just like you wouldn’t eat food that you are allergic to and/or don’t like you don’t have to hold on to every word spoken over you. If anything you are hearing goes against the word of God concerning your life, reject it.
Now what makes me sensitive? I am an extremely guarded person. If I don’t trust you, you won’t even get a glimpse of the space where my heart is. If you betray my trust I won’t allow you into the intimate spaces of my life. If I decide to open up to you and you brush me off and/or act as if you’re entitled to seeing the real me, I’m going to pull away from you. As a precious child of God you are responsible for how you allow others to treat you. You are not a doormat nor are you a trash can. You have purpose. You have value. You are loved and cherished.
I need to go to sleep so this is all for tonight!